Lesbian dating married woman
We had been the iconic lesbian couple: an artist and a writer – teachers and activists. I had been deeply invested in my identity as a lesbian and in my identity as half of a loving, perfect partnership.After having been – as my mother put it – "boy crazy" in my teens and twenties, falling in love with a woman in my early thirties had been a revelation. Although this time, it wasn't for a divorce honeymoon but to marry this man – surrounded by our friends.In this situation our interactions feel less scripted and more ad-libbed, and I feel so much more like an equally invested — and involved! If dating gay women has worked for me, why hasn’t it for the friend I quoted above, or possibly for other bisexual women as well?
I have since transitioned, and now live as a bisexual woman.
Boys, on the other hand, learn to define romance as a verb — something they must actively do to earn a girl’s affections.
This socialization has immediate implications for all queer romance, but presents an even greater obstacle for a potential lesbian and bisexual pairing, as illustrated by the following quote from a very good friend of mine (who’s also a bi woman):“Honestly, I don’t even like men all that much. But they make me feel wanted and desired in a way that very few women ever do.
Even when a particular girl is gay and says she’s into me, it’s like pulling teeth just to get her to flirt with me or make a move…”One of the most pervasive challenges I’ve experienced with dating after I transitioned has been maintaining the interest of cisgender bisexual women without having to perform romance in the same heteronormative manner I’d been taught back when I lived as a boy.
In this situation, if I approach romance even slightly more passively, or deviate from heteronormative standard practice in any way, the momentum between us fizzles out in a hurry.